With Gratitude for Mary Oliver

With Gratitude for Mary Oliver

September 10 was Mary Oliver’s birthday. It would have been her 89th. I thought of her that morning as I walked into my living room. The sun poured through the window over the buffet, flooding the plants, shells, and other treasures that live there with light.

Hello, sun in my face
Hello, you who make the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crochety—...

I recited her poem “Why I Wake Early.” It has become my morning prayer whenever the sun greets me by spreading its light over the chair and couch, painting the hardwood floor with yellow stripes reaching to the dining table at the other end of the room.

Mary Oliver is part of my morning reading, and in her honor, I treated myself with a few favorites. Years ago, when I first read it, “At the River Clarion” won my heart with the opening line: I don’t know who God is exactly. Yes. After years of listening, searching, and studying, I still say the same thing. Attention to creation provided hints to the poet. The river splashing across the stone where she sat. The stone itself. The mosses under the water. They spoke to her of holiness and the part of it all things are. Not a message quickly heard, she said, but one understood by being present to the moment, day by day by day.

In the poem, she wonders how one gets “to suspect such an idea,” being a tiny piece of God. Perhaps it’s as 20th century theologian Karl Rahner articulated: God’s enlivening presence within all from the start creates a desire for something beyond ourselves and enables a response to the Divine.

I remember in my high school years, corresponding with a friend’s cousin who was a lay brother at the Dominical House of Prayer in Washington, D.C. I treasured our letters and wrote that we are all part of the wholeness of God. All holding some bit of God, like a puzzle piece, deep within. And when all things finally gathered together, God would be wholly present. What planted that sense in my teenage heart? If Rahner was right, it was there from the start, calling for openness to Mystery and attention.

As Mary Oliver so clearly understood, we are called to notice. Seeking is unnecessary since God is already here. But attentiveness and quiet have something to do with deepening the relationship with the Holy within and without.

Recently, I spent a day with two friends I have known since we were in our late teens. Like beautiful threads, we weave in and out of one another’s life tapestries. Sharing our spiritual journeys is always part of the conversation. Nestled in the woods on the edge of the Hocking Hills, their home is simple yet adorned with beautiful bits of nature and art (many pieces made by friends). Chairs and couches are arranged in a cozy circle good for talking, and the kitchen, complete with a long table, welcomes family and friends.

We shared memories of past gatherings and coming adventures, titles of books we’re currently reading as well as ones that are staples of our lives. We read poetry, caught up on our families, and ate delicious homemade soup and bread while sipping iced tea.

On our walk, light filtered by trees on our right made beautiful patterns across the road and the tree trunks on our left. Nuthatches and chickadees had their lunch at the large feeder and woodpeckers’ drumming announced they were finding theirs elsewhere.

And while I spoke of my soul’s longing to spend days with the ocean, the woody beauty called out for attention. When given to the place where I was at that moment, attention revealed Mystery and Love waiting there.

Oliver’s poem “Praying” begins by pointing out that an encounter with Holy Presence need not be occasioned by something particularly stunning. She says it doesn’t have to be a blue iris. I’d say it doesn’t have to be the ocean.

ocean shore
dandelion and weeds
fossil rocks, snail shells leaves

Praying

It doesn’t have to be 
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones;
just pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t
a contest but the doorway

into thanks and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

Mary Oliver generously shared the fruit of her attention and journey with us in volumes of poetry. I give thanks. And while I’m still hoping for a week or two at a beach before the year is out, I will try to heed her admonition in “Messenger,” that “My work is loving the world…” and that despite having old boots, a torn coat, and arriving at mid-seventies “…still not half perfect …” I will focus on what is mine to do. She sums it up in her poem “Sometimes”:

“Pay attention. / Be astonished. / Tell about it… “

Thank you, Mary Oliver.

Sources:

“Why I Wake Early” by Mary Oliver   Published in Why I Wake Early  (2004) p. 3

“At the River Clarion” by Mary Oliver   Published in Evidence (2000)

“Praying”  by Mary Oliver  Published in Thirst ( 2006) p. 37

“Messenger” by Mary Oliver   Published in Thirst (2006) p. 1

“Sometimes” by Mary Oliver   Published in Red Bird (2008) p. 35-38

All these poems and many more, have been published in Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver (2019). She arranged these poems herself from her books published from 1963 to 2015! If you love Mary Oliver, this is a book to own!

You can purchase it online from Bookshop.org and support independent bookstores across the country. if you have a favorite, you can even choose the bookstore you would like to support. Mine is Gramercy Books in Bexley, Ohio

Entanglement

Entanglement

While the concept of “entanglement” is not new, it is increasingly encountered today.

Suzanne Simard’s work and book, Finding the Mother Tree, reveal the entanglement of tree roots, fungus, and mycelium that connects individual trees, creating a community. This intricate, underground network allows trees to communicate with each other, warning of impending danger and responding to one another’s distress. Through it, mature trees share nutrients with young ones growing beneath their canopy.

The word “entanglement” appears in current spiritual writing, referencing its use in quantum physics. Care must be taken in appropriation of a term from one discipline to another. “Entanglement” in a physicist’s work has a different meaning than it does in a theologian’s. Still, it provides an apt metaphor.

Quantum physics offers an extraordinary look at how matter, at an elemental level, can be connected even when separated by vast distances. True not only between individual particles, but also among thousands of atoms and molecules within the animate and inanimate. Entangled particles act as one thing.

And there is the metaphor: All creation is entangled, made one by the shared, enlivening force called by many names: God, Ground of Being, Presence, Holy One, Spirit.

Entangled creation includes human beings. Despite the “othering” that happens – especially during the current political climate – dividing humanity into groups of “them” and “us”, we are profoundly connected. What is done to one affects all.

Suffering and violence around the world affect those far from it. Joy, enthusiasm, and kindness reach across the globe, making it a better place.

That human beings continue to war against one another and to destroy this planet, ignoring the warnings of extreme weather, vanishing species and habitats, and poisoned waters, are indicators that the reality of entanglement often goes unrecognized.

Yet it calls for a response: Respect. Respect entails reverencing all people, all things. Respect is the appropriate response to the Presence residing deep within each of us, within all creation, from the smallest particle to the vast cosmos. All is holy ground.

We are called, like Moses, to take off our shoes.

watercolor painting of Hebrew woman taking off her sandal
Mosetta ©2018 Molly Weiland watercolor

 slightly different version originally published in Awakenings the newsletter of The Spirituality Network, September 2024

Photo: Mary vay Balen

Source:

What is Entanglement and Why Is It Important?”   on Caltech Science Exchange

Dona Nobis Pacem: A Morning Prayer on Whidbey Island

Dona Nobis Pacem: A Morning Prayer on Whidbey Island

Dona nobis pacem. Give us peace. I offer this simple sharing of yesterday’s morning prayer that began with attentiveness to the overwhelming beauty and variety of the natural setting. I moved into singing the traditional round Dona nobis pacem, then spontaneously sang words from my heart, and finally slipped into silence. A prayer for peace in our troubled world. You might find it helpful to listen to the song using the links below to become familiar with its rhythms before continuing to read.

Dona nobis pacem, pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem, pacem. Blessing of the sun, present to the One, pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

In the woods, all is good, pacem, pacem. Every thing I see, help me learn to be pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Creation sings, birdsong rings, pacem, pacem. Holy, blessing-song, my heart sings along, pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Always flowing, Presence growing, pacem, pacem. Weaves diversity into unity. Pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem, pacem, pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

road lined with Douglas Fir trees

Center deep, wake from sleep, pacem, pacem. Simple way to start. Embrace our common Heart. Pacem.

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem

Dona nobis pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Donna nobis pacem, pacem. Dona nobis pacem.

Resource:

Sometimes this melody for Dona nobis pacem (“Give us peace” from the Agnus Dei) is attributed to Mozart. Often it is designated simply as “traditional.” Enjoy this version sung in a number of languages by people from around the world.

Dona nobis pacem – International Voices Houston

This is a simpler version, with just three voices, making it easier to learn the melody.

Dona Nobis Pacem – Mozart

Listen to this song until its melody becomes familiar and you can sing along. Then try singing it and letting your own prayer emerge, words from your heart falling into the rhythm and melody. The words needn’t be profound. They don’t need to rhyme. Simply give voice to what stirs within.

All photos by Mary van Balen

Aurora: Using the Right Lens

Aurora: Using the Right Lens

Who would’ve guessed? Viewing the Aurora Borealis close on the heels of experiencing a total solar eclipse, both from Ohio! Not me. I read about the possibility of seeing the Northern Lights much further south than usual and looked forward to the event. But the evening arrived, and after a busy day of running errands, I had forgotten. I settled into my recliner ready for a quiet evening when an urgent shout broke into my reverie:

“Jordan! Jordan!” my neighbor yelled to his friend in the apartment above mine.

An emergency? Someone’s hurt? My phone rang: “Mary, get out here! You can see them!”

Thank goodness for my neighbors. In minutes, six of us lined up in my driveway. Chairs for everyone, but mostly we stood. I put on water for tea (It was chilly.) and called my sister and her husband.

The aurora had arrived, even in the city, and joined a bright crescent moon, planets, and stars in the clear night sky. Despite streetlamps and security lights, swaths of purple, pink, and green danced over apartments and trees.

“Look through your phone,” someone called out, and I remembered an interesting fact from articles giving instructions on when and how to watch. Auroras are the result of streams of charged particles ejected from magnetic storms on the sun and propelled into space. Some reach earth and glow with colored light when they collide with oxygen and nitrogen atoms as they speed into our upper atmosphere. The rare strength of the solar storms the days before and force with which the large the particle streams were expelled from the sun pushed the aurora south. As amazing as the human eye is, the lenses in cell phones are much better at collecting light, including that emitted by the glowing particles.

Pale purplish pink hues became stunning magenta when viewed through the phones. Greens popped from soft to brilliant. So, there we stood, looking with our eyes then marveling at the sight through our phone lenses. This solar system, our home, has been e What else awaits discovery?

Photo: Janet Souder
Photo: Janet Souder

What else – on our planet, in the universe – emanates beauty simply by being? What windows into truth and mystery surround us? And how can we see them? What lenses might we need? I wondered about this for a few days, and the question came along as I walked along the Scioto River and saw a blue heron, tall and majestic. There he was, a pillar of peace and stillness with mallards fussing and flitting about, chasing one another away with loud honks and flapping wings that splashed in the water. The heron remained focused, and one slow, purposeful step at a time, moved through the water without disturbing its surface.

How did he see his watery world, I wondered. And what about lenses of other creatures and the ones that enhance (or cloud) my own vision?

Sometimes I use a jeweler’s loupe to examine ordinary objects. Sometimes I use lenses on my stereomicroscope to look extremely closely and discover complexity, pattern, and design of ordinary objects invisible to the naked eye.

With the help of the Hubble and James Webb Space Telescopes we can look deeply into the universe and back in time to its beginnings. We see stars being born and galaxies speeding away from one another.

But lenses don’t always make things clearer. They can alter or obscure. Our perception can be distorted when we look with eyes, hearts, and minds clouded by prejudices, fear, and anger. Have you ever shared an experience with others and come away shaking your head when various accounts of what happened are at opposite ends of the spectrum? (Think, January 6.) Different lenes.

How, I wondered, can I “clean my lenses” and be aware of everyday wonders of creation? They needn’t be auroras or solar eclipses to inspire and enchant, revealing the Sacred simply by being. To see divinity dwelling not only in nature and creation around me but also within my own heart? To see that the Incarnation did not start with Jesus of Nazareth, but with the Big Bang—everything infused with the Spirit of the Source.

Seeing through the lens of Grace can be a challenge. A line from the play “Our Town” comes to mind. “Who,” wonders Emily while revisiting a day in her life after she had died, “who realizes the beauty and wonder of ordinary life as it is lived, moment by moment.” The stage manager answers, “The saints and poets, maybe they do some.”

How to develop such an eye? “Be present to the moment,” I think, “wide-eyed and open-hearted.” Nurture curiosity. Befriend quiet and get in touch with one’s deepest center. Cultivate the practices of wonder and awe. Look closely, beyond what we see at first glance – including people as well as the rest of creation. And discover what clouds our vision and do what we can to wipe them from the heart.

What a gift the spectacular cosmic displays have been, reminders of the Glory that surrounds us if we have the eyes and heart to see.

Totality’s Gift

Totality’s Gift

The long-awaited 2024 Eclipse Day arrived at our viewing location, a hotel in mid- western Ohio, with a few, high wispy clouds in a blue sky. Much better than the cloud-cover app prediction. A gentleman in the elevator expressed what the eclipse seekers staying there were hoping: “Fingers crossed that the sky stays this clear!”

Early in the morning, our family placed chairs along the side of a grassy field behind the hotel. There were nine of us, gathered from different states and from Wales. Soon the field was edged with chairs, blankets, and a popup shelter. A young man made adjustments on his sophisticated telescope/camera setup while an inventive woman tested the fit of filters she’d made from cardboard and eclipse glasses film for her cellphone and binoculars.

Once the eclipse began with barely a nibble at the lower right of the sun, glasses went on and off as the celestial event progressed. One person did some painting. Another sketched and wrote in her journal. Some played games. Many enjoyed the opportunity to use a toddler’s sidewalk chalk and contributed to drawings on the blacktop parking lot.

Sidewalk chart art
Keeping a record
Crescent shadows

The mood was festive. About 30 folks from around the country – ages spanning 90 to 2 years – talked, laughed, and told stories. Two NASA employees shared eclipse glasses that became desired souvenirs and answered lots of questions not only about the eclipse but also about their work at NASA. Potters, programmers, and teachers found one another and discovered surprising connections.

The crowd held its breath and watched with glasses on as Bailey’s Beads rimmed the sun’s edge and then disappeared. Totality! Glasses came off, and a cry went up. People clapped, hugged, cried, and simply gazed at what looked like a black hole in the sky ringed with the glowing white corona. If you haven’t seen a total solar eclipse, there is no way to describe the emotional impact of the event.

I have a strange sensation of being transported into my grammar school desk-sized model of the solar system that used thin metal rods and orbs of various sizes and colors to represent it. I’m looking through the spokes radiating from the sun, trying to see it, but earth’s moon is in the way.

Today’s sophisticated animations and real-life images of planets, moons, and other astronomical bodies provide more dramatic and accurate depictions of the universe and our place in it. But, as stunning as they are, they don’t deliver the visceral impact of standing outside, feet on a patch of earth, watching the moon move across the face of the sun with my own eyes.

A total solar eclipse pulls me into that big-picture and transforms my perspective. Suddenly, I don’t visualize myself walking in my neighborhood, a park, or even my favorite place, along the ocean. Instead, I’m hovering in the solar system. For an instant I have no thoughts or observations but simply a deep sense the wholeness of everything. It surrounds me. It dwells within me.

The event intensifies my amazement at the cosmos’ magnificent expanse and our planet’s minuscule presence in it. And me? Humans? We are less than a speck in space. Humbling. And distressing when I consider that humans are mostly unable to see our oneness as a race living on a planet that needs our cooperation to continue supporting us. People are unable to get along, obsessed with differences and the need of some to dominate and control others.

The totality provides a different possibility: For a few precious hours, the wonder of the eclipse offered a respite from the fear and anger that permeates much human interaction today. There was no hatred of others for simply being themselves.

Instead, we were connected by a sense of awe. People who gathered in that field related as fellow humans. Respectful. Appreciative. Some learned how to make a lattice with their fingers or to use a pinhole to see crescent shadows. The telescope guy welcomed others to look at his camera screen. We didn’t view one another as members of opposing political parties or of different faiths or of none, but as other humans willing to travel to experience an incredible sight.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the moon’s passing in front of the sun wasn’t the shadow it cast on the earth. Or the 360° sunset. Or the confusion of animals and birds who thought it was night. Or the crescent shaped shadows or shimmering shadow bands. Or visible red prominences or dark sunspots.

It wasn’t how quickly the temperature dropped as the moon covered the sun or how quickly the temperature rose when even the tiniest sliver of light peeked out past the moon’s edge—revealing the power of our closest star. Or even the dazzling “diamond ring” that, for a second, stunned with brilliance, bursting out along the edge of the moon signaling the end of totality.

All this was incredible. Mind-blowing. Exhilarating. But the most amazing effect may have been that for those hours, a collection of humans of various political and religious leanings, of different prejudices and socioeconomic backgrounds, from different places, gathered amicably to celebrate and marvel at creation.

At the end of the afternoon and during the next morning as I watched people loading suitcases into cars and returning home, I wondered if the unity we shared for those hours would have any lasting effect on how we live our lives. Will any of us be more welcoming of diversity? More respectful? More compassionate? Less controlling? More kind? More aware of the fragility of our planet?

I think not. We will return to a world where people experience the constant stress of being “different” from those in power. People will continue to suffer from wars waged over land, ideology, resources, or simply a desire for power and personal aggrandizement. Change is painfully slow.

I pondered how to encourage change: Speak up for human dignity when conversations demean others. Respect scientists and their work. Contribute to politicians and campaigns that support human rights and care of the environment. Speak truth to power if only through emails, calls, or signing petitions. It boils down to doing what you can, where you are, small as that seems. To do good work. To care for the common good. To put love and kindness into the world.

My experience of the totality offers an additional practice: Look long and listen deeply to the natural world. Practice AWE. Allow yourself to be amazed by creation. A flower. A bird in flight. Refreshing rain. Weeds poking up through cracks in sidewalks, roads, and walls. Develop a contemplative approach to life that reveals the connectedness of all things and the Sacred Presence in it.

My daughter once said she learned about the interdependence of all things by spending childhood hours wading in the creek behind our house, noticing and studying the creatures in, on, and above the water. What might you do to let creation nurture your soul and inform your living?

Thank you, spectacular eclipse, for doing just that.

© 2024 Mary van Balen

Photo credits: Images of the eclipse from Jarred Keener. All other photos taken by Mary van Balen

Resource

In case you weren’t able to view the totality, here’s a link to NASA’s live coverage. Enjoy! 2024 Total Solar Eclipse: Through the Eyes of NASA

Solar systems and Galaxies

  • Our solar system (the only one officially called that) is one of an estimated 3,200 planetary systems (stars with planets orbiting them) in our galaxy, the Milky Way.
  • An older estimate of 100-200 billion galaxies in the observable universe has been expanded to 2 trillion galaxies using new images (from the Hubble and James Webb Space Telecsopes) and research methods.
Surprised by Wisdom

Surprised by Wisdom

Do you have storage places that hold treasures for years, tucked back into an overlooked corner or hidden beneath a pile of unused linens or clothing?  Something special enough to keep but long forgotten. While looking through my cedar chest the other day, I lifted a heavy item encased in paper and bubble wrap from beneath a stack of dishtowels. I carefully removed the packaging and caught my breath.

There was a red clay sculpture of cupped hands made by my youngest daughter decades ago when she was in middle school. It used to sit on an end table in our home, but after moving into a small apartment 13 years ago, I stored it along with other things I wanted to keep but had no place to display.

I held the sculpture and followed their easy curve with my fingers. As they moved over the red clay, a tightness that had taken up residence in my body and spirit began to loosen. Long fed by fear and worry, the fist curled up in my gut began to unclench. The hands offered an invitation: Relax. Open. I tried.

A cleansing sigh passed through my lips. Tears and laughter pushed each other about in their rush to respond. I sat back on a nearby chair, closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. The sculpture conveyed a profound sense of receptivity. Solid and steady, they seemed comfortable with vulnerability. Something, it seems, often I am not.

What, I wondered, sustains such an attitude as I move through life? Trust, I think. Trust that in the end, good will prevail. Faith in a pervasive Goodness that enlivens and dwells within and without all creation. It is called by many names: God, Love, Ground of Being, and it persists even through suffering and dangerous times. How else to explain a John Lewis? The thousands of refugees risking lives to walk to our borders? Gazans who rise each morning determined to survive. People around the globe who endure disasters, both of natural origin and those brought upon them by systemic injustice, and people motivated by ignorance, fear, and hatred.

Many open-hearted people don’t just survive. They go forward to do good where they are. Somehow, they see beyond their current situation and trust that in the big picture even small efforts make a difference. They refuse to give into cynicism and despair, believing as others have that “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

This desire to give is another gift of openness and trust.

You may see such people in a parking lot collecting petition signatures to demand change in gerrymandered maps and voter suppression or sharing food at a drive-through pantry. They are companions and, as Mr. Rogers called them, “helpers.”

This sense of embrace is another gift the cupped-hands sculpture offered. My neighbor felt it too. She came over for dinner and saw them sitting on the small stand that sits beneath a mirror at one end of the dining table. I had made space for them between a vigil candle, some poetry books, and a Galileo’s thermometer. She looked at them for a while and, not taking her gaze from them, said, “They are so welcoming.”

Yes. The hands expressed willingness to hold. To comfort and care. To simply “be with,” which isn’t simple at all. They conveyed not only openness but also hope. The little hands reminded me that I am held and loved and treasured for what who I am and what I have been given to share, when I’m up for it and when I’m not.

Detail of painting by Richard Duarte Brown
Detail of painting by Richard Duarte Brown

The sculpture encouraged me to open and receive whatever each day would bring. To trust that no matter what it was, that the Goodness and Love in the world, in people, in community, would hold it with me. To suffer. To celebrate. To work. To rest. I wouldn’t have to hold it alone.

It reminded me that sometimes I need the hands of others and sometimes I must be the hands for others, living with faith in Goodness even in dark times.

How did the small sculpture communicate all that? Did they always, and I was just too busy raising kids, working, and navigating a difficult marriage to notice? No. It is the gift of true art of all kinds. Art isn’t a static creation. It’s an encounter, a conversation. What the painting, drawing, words, or music communicate has as much to do with the one who experiences them as it does with what the artist has given. Different grace at different times depending on what the observer brings: Fullness. Need. Joy. Despair.

The little hands spoke to the need I brought. I’m grateful for the moment to hear them.

…yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world… Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

Teresa of Avila
Just Enough Blessing

Just Enough Blessing

Not a lot has changed for me since writing the last column. I continue to have difficulty focusing on the present moment. Quiet prayer feels impossible. How does one still the mind during such times? Information pours into my consciousness and pulls at my attention. The atrocities of the Israeli/ Palestinian war are overwhelming as is the rise of hateful threats and actions against Jewish people and those of Palestinian descent in this country. Our families, friends, and neighbors fear for their safety. This conflict has taken the spotlight off the Ukrainian’s ongoing battle to maintain their autonomy. National divisiveness, fear, and anger continues to poison the political atmosphere, particularly with elections just days away.

I confided in a spiritual companion that beyond struggling with prayer practices, my faith itself falters. I try Brother Lawrence’s “practice of the Presence” and remember throughout the day that I am in the presence of God—and hope there is one. This is what I can do.

My friend shared her practice of beginning each day reading newspaper articles—not just the headlines as I usually do—and looking for goodness, for acts of courage and concern for the common good. It reminds her that as much evil as there is in the world, there is also much good. Then she reflects on what she can do in her day, where she is, to contribute to bringing God’s Love into this time and space.

The next day, since my subscriptions are digital, I went out and bought a physical, hold-in-your-hand newspaper. I pulled a blank journal off my shelves, wrote “Lectio with Newspapers” on the front, and settled at the dining room table intending to read until I found a bit of light in the dark news, cut out that section, glue it into the journal, and then write my reflection on it. The journal would be a new addition to the Lectio journals I have kept over the years while using Scripture or other Wisdom literature as the text.

I read one article. Then two. A few lines caused me to pause, but I was sure there must be some more solid “goodness” that would jump off the page. An hour or so later, I folded up the paper and decided to try another day.

In this frame of mind and soul, I came across Mary Oliver’s poem “Mockingbirds.” It opens with her hearing two mockingbirds tossing their songs across a field. She had nothing better to do than listen, she said. Then she offers a story of a poor Greek couple who welcomed two strangers into their home having nothing but their attentiveness to offer, which they did. And their guests, who turned out to be gods, loved them for it. Upon leaving, they shed their mortal bodies and became a fountain of light reaching into every corner of the humble cottage.

The couple understood and bowed before the Sacred in their midst and asked nothing for themselves, grateful for the blessing of Presence.

Mary Oliver ends the poem saying she was opening the dark doors of her soul, leaning out into the moment. She was listening.

I read the poem a few times and decided I longed to be like the poor Greek couple. I already am in some ways. I feel like I have little to offer these days. No great (or even not so great) wisdom. No answers. Not even an unshakeable faith. But I could be attentive. To the simplest of things. Maybe the sound of the ever-colder wind rustling the last leaves off the trees. Or the water boiling in the electric kettle. Or the sun illuminating the bouquet of pink and white alstroemeria that after two weeks are still beautiful in my brother-in-law’s handmade vase.

Or maybe it’s laughter shared during a heart-to-heart with a friend. A chat with a stranger met while on a neighborhood walk. A meal shared. The smell of beets from the garden simmering in a large pot on the stove.

If I can, like the Greek couple, give my attention, perhaps I will recognize the good in that moment, and bow to the Presence. Maybe I’ll be able to recognize Light in newspaper articles the next time I try. Or maybe Presence will flush out some of the fear and make room for Love to enter in.

I don’t know. But like the Greek couple, it’s all I’ve got. And like Mary Oliver, I wonder what else is a better way to spend my time. Who knows what doors attentiveness will open? What spaces in my soul will be swept clean, ready to receive a stranger. To discern the next step. To let light in so it can leak out. Maybe I will recognize the Sacred and be open to its Blessing. Maybe it will scatter through the dark corners of my soul and fill them all with light. Or maybe the Blessing will bring just enough light to reveal the Holy One sitting with me in the dark.

Sources

“Mockingbirds” by Mary Oliver

Nicolas Herman-Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection, Practice of the Presence: A Revolutionary Translation by Carmen Acevedo Butcher

Sinking Into the Heart

Sinking Into the Heart

Anyone else have problems being present to the moment? It’s the mantra of contemplatives and mystics across the ages, of all faith traditions and of none. Sounds simple, but it’s not.

Three months have passed since I last published a column. That was the time frame I gave myself before returning to “regular” life routines after having knee-replacement surgery.

During the early days of recovery, I lay on the couch feeling completely useless, dependent on my daughters for just about everything from getting up and down, making it to the bathroom, and walking around the house to fixing food, doing exercises, and icing the knee. Not surprising for the first week or two. But as weeks passed, I became impatient with myself, aware mostly of all the stuff I wasn’t doing.

No Zoom groups: London Writers’ Salon, Lectio, book club. No writing: journaling, columns, book project. No reading despite having a stack of Donna Leon mysteries sitting on the bookcase. I couldn’t sit long enough to get through a chapter. All the stuff that made me feel like I was accomplishing something. Connecting with people. Being a worthwhile human being. I could do none of it.

I dreaded nighttime. Sleep was elusive and when it came, it came in short spurts – an hour or two now and again. Depression inched its way into my psyche.

The challenge was to live what I write about: the grace of being open to the present moment. Easier said (or written) than done.

Woman standing on banks of York River looking at the Supermoon on the horizon
Supermoon over the York River

This topic recently came up during lunch with a good friend. Sipping hot coffee on a surprisingly cool morning at an outdoor café, I shared my struggle. She reflected on the role of surrender in prayer. “Surrender” is a word often found in contemplative literature. It’s not one I use. It feels old and uncomfortable to me, conjuring images of failure, domination, militarism, and patriarchy. Someone wins and someone loses. In my experience, God doesn’t require surrender but receptivity. I prefer something like “letting go,” or “opening up,” but understand the intended meaning here. It says “Sorry, but you’re not in control.” And don’t people mostly want to feel like they are in control?

I certainly did. I was faithful with all prescribed exercises and prompt for PT sessions. My daughter who cared for me during the first ten days created a chart to make sure medications were taken on time. The second daughter did the same for at home exercises. I didn’t miss a pill or a rep. I would be back to “normal,” whatever that is, soon, soon, soon!

Not so much.

My memory may be less than accurate, but surely, I recovered more rapidly after my first knee replacement. My daughter said, “no.” OK. With a nod to the physical changes that occur over a decade, I conceded that my older body needed a bit more time. But not too much more. Not with me in control, doing all the right things at the right times.

Be still and know I am God

Psalm 46:10

Eventually, reality wore me down until all I could do was what my friend named over salad and soup: sinking into the Presence within. Like theologian Howard Thurman’s “centering down.” Or 17th century Carmelite, Brother Lawrence’s admonition to “practice the Presence.”  It wasn’t so much a giving up of control as it was a recognition that I never had it in the first place. At least not of everything. We can decide how to respond in our immediate situations, but things happen that we have no power to change. I still did all my exercises, took medications on time, and went to PT. But I began to open to the grace of the moment and embrace some truths I knew but forgot:

– I needn’t be constantly productive to be worthwhile. Simply being is enough.

– My “work” for the moment was to heal, not to write the next column or book.

– Good, loving people filled my life, especially my daughters, family, friends, and medical staff.

– I am a human being with a body that is sometimes broken and that is always getting older.

– Life is a series of letting go and receiving.

– I can savor the life I have, the things I can do that bring me joy.

Orange Day Lily with sparkling drops of dew
Day Lily on a Morning Walk

And the one truth that encompasses all others: I exist, along with everyone and everything else, in the Mystery of Being, the Source, the Connector of all that is. It’s good to sink into that knowing, to lift my heart to Holy Presence all around and to find it within, no matter the name I give to it, content with being held and loved by Love itself.

Photos by Mary van Balen

References

London Writers’ Salon

Howard Thurman in Meditations of the Heart

Br. Lawrence Practice of the Presence trans. Carmen Acevedo Butcher

Gold of the Moment

Gold of the Moment

Every week I look forward to a newsletter that arrives in my email on Fridays. It’s by one of my favorite artists, Susan Lynn, and offers some of her paintings and reflections, a video (music, dance, usually something fun), and a poem, in keeping with Goethe’s advice which she quotes at the bottom of every newsletter: “A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.”

Last Friday a poem by Robert Frost was her choice. It’s a favorite that I discovered in high school when I bought a thick, green volume,“The Complete Poems of Robert Frost”, that was offered in the Book-of-the-Month Club. (Does that still exist? In those teenage years, it provided me with a wide variety of literature. My growing library prompted my mother to buy an old barrister’s bookcase to hold it.)

The poem Susan offered was “Spring Pools.” I imagine where she lives, Rockport, Massachusetts, snow is currently melting into puddles. While there are none where I am, I have seen them in the woods. Perhaps you have, too.

Spring Pools
by Robert Frost

These pools that, though in forests, still reflect
The total sky almost without defect,
And like the flowers beside them, chill and shiver,
Will like the flowers beside them soon be gone,
And yet not out by any brook or river,
But up by roots to bring dark foliage on.

The trees that have it in their pent-up buds
To darken nature and be summer woods.
Let them think twice before they use their powers
To blot out and drink up and sweep away
These flowery waters and these watery flowers
From snow that melted only yesterday.

Reading it reminded me of two other spring poems by Frost that allude to the ephemeral beauty of spring

Nothing Gold Can Stay” begins, “Nature’s first green is gold, /Her hardest hue to hold.”

I thought of that on my evening walk. Bright sunlight lit up new buds that shone gold against the bright blue sky and the ground strewn with last summer’s now brown and brittle leaves.

This is the day which You have made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Psalm 118:24 Psalms for Praying by Nan C. Merrill

A Patch of Old Snow ” reminds me of the importance of being attentive to the moment, of noticing, and how often I don’t.

A Patch of Old Snow
by Robert Frost

There’s a patch of old snow in a corner
     That I should have guessed
Was a blow-away paper the rain
     Had brought to rest.

It is speckled with grime as if
     Small print overspread it,
The news of a day I’ve forgotten—
     If I ever read it.

Moments pass quickly. How important to be present to them. I tried on my walk this evening. The air was refreshingly cold and clean. A gnarly tree stood near the first stop sign on my way. I respectfully nodded to it as I stood in silence, thinking about the intelligence of trees, their way of communicating with one another, and their thriving in community, as people are meant to do.

I listened for the red-bellied woodpecker and cardinal, both reliably noisy in my neighborhood. Stooping to see what lay on the sidewalk that ran beside a wall shaded by old trees, I picked up some small cedar cones, a delicate dried flower from last year’s vine, and a few other treasures to send to my grandnephew so he can look at them with his jeweler’s loupe.

I kept a prayer in my heart. Not memorized words but attention, awareness of enveloping Presence in all I saw and felt, gratitude for it, and the lifting of the heart to God as I moved through the waning light of the day.

To be with God we don’t always have to be in church. We can make our hearts an oratory where we withdraw from time to time to talk with Love there … A brief lifting up of the heart is enough …

Brother Lawrence in Practice of the Presence, translated by Carmen Acevedo Buthcher

Resource:

Susan Lynn’s newsletter

Giving Gold Away

Giving Gold Away

This morning, walking through a city park, I noticed goldenrod amid a riot of color and texture in a long strip of garden. That flower had made an appearance a few days earlier while I was reading Mary Oliver’s collection of poems, Devotions. “Goldenrod” was the second and last poem I read that day. An allergy sufferer, goldenrod isn’t my favorite fall flower, but one can’t argue with its sunny beauty, especially when it mixes with purple New England asters on roadsides or in fields.

Mary Oliver’s poem wandered through goldenrod’s possibilities: Offering nectar to visiting bees for their honey. Brightening what might otherwise be a barren void. Rustled by a sudden wind, the blooms swayed and caught the poet’s famous attention. She watched them bend and straighten and scatter their golden dust.

“… they bend as though it was natural and godly to bend, / they rise in a stiff sweetness, / in the pure peace of giving / one’s gold away.”

Stunned into stillness, I sat, savoring the image. “Giving one’s gold away.”

Isn’t that how Jesus lived? How we are called to be in this world?

Bending. Flexible? And giving ourselves away?

Didn’t Jesus bend to listen to someone’s story? To scoop dirt from the road and make healing paste for the blind beggar’s eyes? To write in the sand as a woman’s unmasked accusers drifted away?

When he plucked ripe grain-heads from their stalks? Or sat on a rock in the desert or on the roadside to rest or to listen? Wouldn’t he have bent low to notice creatures that passed by or the plants?

Did he bend under Spirit-weight when he breathed life into his followers?

In all his bending and being and breathing, wasn’t he constantly giving himself away? Himself that was all Love—restless Love longing to move outward and find new homes to set ablaze? Surely, Love bending to the other is natural. Godly.

Giving its gold away.

What of my being scatters when life pushes and pulls one way then another? When I bend, what, I wonder, do I offer? I hope it’s Love, at least part of it. After all, isn’t that what life provides—opportunities to open our empty spaces to Love—so we can give it away?

For Visio Divina: Morning in the park