Grace in the Moment

November 19, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

DEEPENING: 7 Moving into Quiet

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

By the time I get to lighting my candles and settling into quiet prayer, I’m fighting a losing battle. My mind is already racing, making mental to-do lists, beating myself up for what I haven’t done, and thinking of family, friends, typhoon victims, government disfunction…you name it.

I try desperately to empty my mind, but to no avail. Breathing in and out, slowly repeating my mantra word. Nothing. Then, this morning, I became aware of my cold feet resting on the wooden floor. “Why didn’t I put on socks?” Suddenly, the thought came: “Just be present to your cold feet. To the moment.” I did.

After cold feet, the smoothness of the wood beneath caught my attention. I sat with that for a while. Then it was the stiffness of my new knee. I quit trying to still my mind and instead let it focus on the present. A slight bit or warmth on my cheek and a rosy glow visible through my closed eyelids alerted me to bright sunlight. I opened my eyes and saw the patterns it made as it poured through the mini-blinds and pushed around the wrought iron candelabrum by daughter had made.

I became aware of the life-giving gift of the sun shining on our planet from the center of our solar system. Amazing. I sat, amazed, for while before the candle flame’s reflection, dancing on the votive’s clear glass caught my attention. I watched as it stretched and lengthened. Tow images from one flame. The bloom on top of the wick glowed orange and the beeswax smelled sweet.

My mind wasn’t racing.

I guess I can’t go cold turkey from crazy busy thoughts to stillness. Instead, being truly present to myself in this place and in this time slowed me down. God was there in the cold, the light, the flame, the moment, where the Divine always is.

And, for a moment, I moved into a graced moment of quiet gratitude.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: grace, Grace in the Moment, prayer, present to the moment, quiet prayer

November 6, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

DEEPENING: 3 Hopspitality

smoking candle Chapter 53 of the Rule of Benedict gives direction on how to receive guests at the abbey. The first thing? “All guests who present themselves are to be received as Christ, who said, “I was a stranger, and you welcomed me” (Matt 25,35). When my children were young and knocked on the door of my small home office, I tried to remember that. They weren’t distractions, interrupting my work, they were Christ, they were inviting me to hospitality, although I often fell short of this monastic ideal.

Day three of my “Deepening” project reminded me of this call. I had set my alarm and risen early in order to spend time in quiet prayer before heading to my physical therapy session. I dressed, put the candle on the table, lit it, and settled into the chair.

Breathe in. Breath out. A knock at the door.

The friend taking me to my appointment had arrive a half hour early. Having gone to Mass, she arrived, carrying her breakfast.

” I thought I could eat while you’re getting ready,” she said.

“Sure. I haven’t eaten either,” I said as I walked quickly into the dining room, blew out the candle, and placed it back onto the wrought iron candle holder. Using up batter I had kept from a few days ago, I cooked up a few pancakes and covered them with maple syrup.

Benedict instructs the monks to receive the unexpected guest with generosity. Nothing, not prayer, not fasting, nothing is more important than this person at your door. They are to stop what they are doing, Abbot and all, and make the guest welcome. Rooted in prayer, the hospitality includes food, and anything else needed to make the stranger comfortable. Share their table, their prayer, their place of rest.

At that moment, Christ is encountered in flesh and blood…not quiet prayer.

……..

Holy One who receives me always with welcoming embrace, even when my mind wanders and I find myself mentally ticking off my “to dos” for the day instead of quietly resting in your Presence, help me welcome all into my home, into my life and heart, no matter how busy I am. No matter my plans. You are gracing my day with something greater. You are present to me in the one at my door.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: grace, Grace in the Moment, hospitality, humility, prayer, Presence, quiet prayer, Rule of Benedict

July 12, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Called to Notice, Call to Love

Originally published in the Catholic Times

Sunday’s readings from Deuteronomy and from Luke emphasize two things: God’s law is the law of love, and it resides deep within each of us, as close as our mouths and our hearts. The Old Testament reading is taken from the end of Moses’ speech to the Israelites who had completed the long wanderings in the desert and were on the brink of entering the Promised Land.

Moses had recapped the struggles of their journey, told them blessings come from their curse, and that God would gather them back from the nations where they were scattered. The command Moses gave to the people, to turn back to God with their entire being, was attainable. Unlike Gilgamesh, the hero of the ancient Mesopotamian epic, who traveled to the ends of the earth, to the depths of the sea, and to the heavens, in search of the secrets of the gods, the Israelites had God’s word on their lips and in their hearts. They had only to obey it.