“Blue Moon Over Cincinnati” Bill Ingalls/NASA via Getty Images (Originally published in the Catholic Times, September 9, 2012 © 2012 Mary van Balen)

I write these words of the night of the Blue Moon. The last one we will see for a few years, it is most commonly defined as the second full moon in a month. (This is not the only definition, but perhaps the simplest.) This is also the day Neil Armstrong, first human being to set foot on the moon, was buried in Cincinnati. This conjunction of events seems fitting, and when I looked up at the moon peeking through clouds, I thought of the long years of research, planning, building, and training that preceded the first “leap for mankind.” Without such sacrifice, such disciplined use of time and energy, the momentous step would not have been taken.

Thursday’s readings for the Liturgy of the Hours address the importance of using time well and avoiding self-indulgence. Saint Paul, in Galatians 5, says we are “called to liberty,” and then warned his readers to be careful since “liberty will provide and opening for self-indulgence.” The Spirit calls us to be busy about “works of love,” but we do not always rise to the occasion. At least I don’t.

I had some time off work and following a few days of concentrated effort, I confess to accomplishing little today. I did use food I had on hand to make tomato sauce and bake the eggplant that was on the verge of spoiling. I cleaned the kitchen. I did a little writing, but not as much as I had hoped. I had good intentions, but according to Paul, since the temptation to self- indulgence is at odds with the Spirit, “you do not always carry out your good intentions.” That’s me.

I could have gone to Ohio Dominican’s library as I had the past two days. It is where I did much of my Master’s studying, and later lesson planning for classes I taught there, so the tables at the back of the top floor say: “Get to work!” No dishes call to be washed, or cell phone to connect to family and friends scattered around the country. I am less likely to indulge in games of solitaire on my computer when I am in the midst of book stacks and other students.

While there, I am not tempted to run to the store, sometimes to buy and sometimes to return what I should not have purchased in the first place. Life is just crammed with possibilities, and while not bad in themselves, they can worm their way into our consciousness and play on the self-indulgence gene. I made a run to the post office, but not until I had checked a few stores for notepaper I was convinced I needed for a letter. I found nothing and decided I should have simply cut some of the paper I had at home to the correct size and be done with it.

And of course, one of those stores was a bookstore, and I found myself looking at new arrivals and searching for journals to use in my upcoming retreat. I called my sister, talked with my two daughters, and before I knew it, the day had slipped away.

The temptation is to become discouraged with myself and waste more time feeling bad. That doesn’t help either. One of the good things I did this morning was to read one of Fr. Jim Smith’s homilies in the online magazine, “Celebration.” As I would expect, he had packed good stuff into those paragraphs. One I remembered when I was ready to give up on myself is that we can’t accomplish salvation ourselves. We show up of course, and give it our best effort, but in the end, God does the heavy work. And what’s more, God is so crazy about us that he/she doesn’t mind.

As I prepare for bed I hold on to that thought. And the bit of proverbial wisdom: Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Mary van Balen will be giving a day-long workshop/retreat on “Journaling the Journey: A Day of Writing into Prayer,” on September 29, 2012. Visit www.maryvanbalen.com or call 740.503.3987 for information.

This print hangs at the Sacred Heart Chapel at Saint Benedict’s Monastery, St. Joseph, MN (Originally published in the Catholic Times, July 12, 2012 © 2012 Mary van Balen)

Wednesday, July 11 was the feast of Saint Benedict of Nursia. Before his birth in 480, the Roman Empire was crumbling and various barbarian tribes had invaded Italy. Benedict studied in Rome during a peaceful interlude, but paganism and deteriorating conditions of the city were too much for the young man who left the city and lived as a hermit for a while in Subiaco. His holiness attracted others and eventually, he consented to become an abbot for a group of monks.

This first experiment did not end well; the monks tried to poison him! But later, Benedict did shepherd a number of small monastic communities, eventually founding the monastery of Monte Cassino. Benedict is most famous for his Rule that guided the lives of the monks. He called it a rule for beginners, but it has become the foundation for most monastic rules in the West.

I have had the opportunity to live near one of the largest Benedictine Abbey’s in the country and spent time joining the monks in Liturgy of the Hours as well as Mass. Benedictine hospitality wraps around visitors and draws us in. After a few days, one becomes accustomed to the slow cadence of praying the Psalms, pausing at the end of each line regardless of punctuation, allowing God to slip into the hiatus.

I took time this morning to reread the Rule. Written so long ago, parts are no longer applicable, but for anyone desiring to grow closer to God, Benedict offers wisdom and guidance. In the Prologue, Benedict uses Scripture (He does so throughout as did Francis in his Rule.) to assure us of God’s desire for us, God’s loving Presence, and the Spirit’s voice speaking to all “…that have ears to hear.” Famously, Benedict’s Rule stresses moderation and flexibility. He aims to “…set down nothing harsh, nothing burdensome…” but “…a little strictness to amend faults and safeguard love.”

He lays out structure for prayer, for meals, for hours of work and reading, but after he does so, is quick to say that they can be amended when illness, weakness, even the fluctuation of seasons require change.

He describes the good abbot as someone who teaches and inspires more by his actions than by his words. The abbot is expected to seek counsel from everyone when an important decision is to be made, for as Benedict notes, “…the Lord often reveals what is better to the younger.” It is only in lesser issues that the abbot can consult the seniors only; a good lesson for today’s church and its leaders. Those is power are called to listen not only to men who have rank in the hierarchy, but also to ordinary people, the faithful who receive and respond to the Spirit in everyday life.

The Rule stresses the value of silence and encourages the monks to refrain from casual speech or even too much laughter! These words do not mean that we should not enjoy conversation, a good joke, or lots of laughter, but that we would benefit from balancing that with times of silence. Times to listen with our hearts. Quiet time to remember that we rest in the presence of God. My place of work is never quiet. Music plays constantly even as televisions broadcast news or soap operas depending on the time of day and the preferences of those who are working. How many people wear ear buds hours a day? Silence often is avoided in our world. Benedict’s words remind us of its importance.

If you are interested in learning more about Benedict, read the Rule. You might also try one of these books to help you discover what it has to offer us as we strive to deepen our relationship with the Holy One: “Engaging Benedict” by Laura Swan; “Prayer and Community,” by Columba Stewart OSB; “Cherish Christ Above All,” by Demetrius Dumm, OSB, and “The Rule of Benedict: Insights for the Ages,” by Joan Chittister.

Rublev’s “Trinity” © 2012 Mary van Balen
Originally published in the Catholic Times

We ended the Easter season with the wonderful feast of Pentecost, the outpouring of the Spirit that continues throughout all time. The entrance into Ordinary Time reminds me of Fourth of July’s fireworks finale. The impressionistic splattering of night sky with color, pattern, and smoke has ended and you begin to pick up your blanket or fold up your chairs when suddenly spheres of intense brightness light up smoke trails left in the sky and deep booms vibrate through to the bottoms of your feet. A last hurrah. Feasts pile up like that these weekends: Pentecost, Holy Trinity, and Corpus Christi. Not Easter, exactly, but the glory and mystery of Easter threading through life as it does all year.

Sunday we celebrated our God who is family, relationship, and love. I always think of Rublev’s famous icon written around 1410. It depicts three angels at table, the three angles who visited Abraham at the oak of Mamre, but is often interpreted to represent the Trinity. The table has an empty place at the front, an invitation to come, sit down, and be part of the family. Easter leaking through. Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection and sending of the Spirit who dwells in each of us. We are not strangers to this divine Family; we belong, related through our brother, Jesus.

Then comes the feast of Corpus Christi, celebrating the Eucharist. We owe this feast in great part to St. Juliana, a nun of Liege, Belgium, who had a great devotion to the Eucharist and was the driving force behind the establishment of the commemoration. She was an interesting figure, having been elected as prioress of a double monastery (Common in the Middle Ages, such a monastery combined a section for monks and one for nuns, both united under one superior, sometimes a man, sometimes a woman.)

I, too, love this feast as I love Holy Thursday liturgy that celebrates the Last Supper and the first Eucharist. Corpus Christi liturgy often incorporates a procession. Once, a Trappist friend gave a large photographic book providing glimpses into the Abbey of Gethsemani, and one of my favorite photos was of this procession. In my memory it includes flowers strewn along the aisles bringing the earth into the ritual that remembers that the Holy One who created all became one with us, and continues to nourish our souls through ordinary food that feeds the body.

Easter again. Jesus lived a human life that included joys, sorrows, suffering, and death. He showed us the wonder of such a life when it is infused with the Spirit, with love and relationship with Divinity. Indeed, he showed us what human life was made to be and invited us to live it deeply and authentically, giving us what we need to do so.

Yesterday, I saw a movie that reflected a bit of this mystery: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. A number of British retirees decide to “outsource” their retirement to India where living is less expensive despite the exotic surroundings. As you might imagine, the reality is less glamorous than the slick brochures indicated and, well, life unfolds in unexpected ways.

Images and soundtrack filled the screen in an endless parade of vibrant colors, unfamiliar languages, music, dusty roads, glorious buildings, poverty, and lots and lots of people. And Spirit. And family. And love. Was it grasped? Was it celebrated? Were the surprised retirees open to such drastic change? Did they have eyes to see? Ears to hear?

The same questions apply to anyone, wherever she might be. They apply to us. As these glorious feasts remind us, the Divine dwells within us; the Holy fills not only breathtakingly beautiful places, but also decaying cities, office buildings, and crowded highways. Marginalized and poor people have gifts to share at least equal to those offered by the “successful” and wealthy. Our world offers opportunities for serving, for celebrating, for weeping and for laughing. The Trinity offers us a place at the table. Once we pull up a chair and sit down, we are immersed in all the mess and glory of the huge family that is the people of God…that is all of us.

These feasts remind us that we have been given what we need to respond. We have the capacity to enjoy and to serve. Are we open to receive, to participate? Like the British retirees discovered, it is really up to us.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen from Volume 4 Saint John’s Bible: Psalms (Originally published in the Catholic Times, May 13, 2012 © 2012 Mary van Balen)

“How do you manage Liturgy of the Hours?” I asked a friend who is an oblate of a Benedictine abbey.

“I don’t get to it everyday. I do it when I can. Often, I just read through the Psalter.”

That conversation came to mind when I was discouraged by my inability to fit more of the Hours into my daily life. So, I pulled a Psalter from shelves in my study. A gift from a Trappist friend, the old book had been rebound in the monastery with a plain burnt sienna fabric and blue end papers. Father Maurice’s name is written across the top with pencil in his beautiful calligraphic scrip along with a small cross and the year: 1965.

The Grail translation, new at the time, like the translation of psalms found in the Jerusalem Bible, is made from the Hebrew. As I held the book and read from the yellowed pages, I imagined Fr. Maurice sitting in the chapel at the Abbey of Gethsemane in Kentucky, chanting these ancient hymns day after day, year after year. I thought, too of my friends at Saint John’s Abbey in Collegeville, and the time I spent with them praying the psalms throughout the day.

Sometimes, reading the more violent ones, I have wondered why they remain in liturgical collections. I have heard others voice that concern and remember a story shared by a monk at St. John’s. At one time, they were considering the collection of psalms used in their prayer. Someone suggested removing the more violent ones. Why pray war songs, songs that include dashing children against the rocks or slaughtering one’s enemies?

A monk of great stature in the community objected. Violence is part of Old Testament history. Indeed they are part of our history. “Remove those,” he said, “ and the Psalter just collapses.”

Our world today is not so different from the ancient Hebrew one. Using drones to kill our enemies makes their deaths and those civilians who lose their lives, euphemistically called “collateral damage,” invisible but no less gruesome.We may desire revenge or exact punishment from those who wrong us. Sometimes the violence visited upon the poor and marginal peoples in our world results as much from inaction as from what we do. We are no strangers to violence. Perhaps that is why praying such psalms makes us uncomfortable. Such darkness makes us avert our eyes.

As I prayed the Psalter I thought of St. Athanasius (2295-373CE) whose feast was May 2. He is known for his fight against the heresy of Arianism that claimed Jesus was in no way equal to God the Father, having been created, but what I most remember about Athanasius is his wonderful letter to Marcellinus that spoke eloquently of the interpretation of the Psalms. While other books of the Bible are filled with words that inspire or instruct, yet remain the words of the author, words of the psalms are like “one’s own words that one read; and anyone who hears them is moved at heart, as though they voiced for him his deepest thoughts.”

Athanasius goes on to illustrate which psalms reflect which human situation or emotion: repentance, Psalm 51; bearing one’s afflictions, Psalm 3. The list goes on. “Just as in a mirror,” he writes, “the movements of our own souls are reflected in them and the words are indeed our very own, given us to serve both as a reminder of our changes of condition and as a pattern and model for the amendment of our lives.”

That is why the psalms have survived as part of our prayer for millennia. That is why monks and the rest of us gather to chant or sing or read them every day. They remind us of who we are and of who God is. They reflect the light in our hearts as well as the darkness. The history of the psalms is our history and it is our present. The involvement of God in the lives of the Hebrews remind us that the Holy One remains involved in our lives.

When I hold the old Psalter in my hands and pray the words printed there, I am connected not only with my monk friends, but also with my ancestors. I am in touch with my heart, and my journey and the God who embraces us all.

Click on this link if you would like to read Athanasius’ letter to Marcellinus.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
(Originally published in the Catholic Times, April 5, 2012 © 2012 Mary van Balen)

“Are you going to make some this year?” my sister asked as she looked at hot cross buns sitting off to the right in the restaurant’s generous display of pastries and muffins. She was referring to my annual baking of dozens of the Easter treats and giving them away to family, friends, and neighbors. I didn’t bake any last year. We were beginning to clean out our parents’ home, readying it for sale. I didn’t have the heart.

“I hope so,” I replied, not able to make the commitment. Dad died in September. A contract on the house is pending and I am keeping my first Lent in a new flat. I do hope so. Baking and sharing hot cross buns is as good for my spirit as I hope receiving them is for others. Besides, the world is hungry for more than bread, and the small raisin-filled rolls sealed with a white icing cross dripping over their shiny domes carry more than sweetness and calories. They are packed with promise and the baker’s humble efforts to participate in the Easter Mystery. To be bread.

In her book, “Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis,” Lauren Winner tells of a similar experience. After coming home from church on Sunday afternoons, she baked muffins and loaves of bread, and wanting to feed others as she had been fed at Mass, she left them on doorsteps around town.

It is a priest’s heart. It is God’s heart. It is the heart of Jesus living in each one of us that sees hunger and wants to feed it. That sees need and wants to meet it. That sees suffering and wants to stop it.
Jesus showed us that heart when he bent down and washed the feet of his followers as the gathered for their last meal together. I guess it took such unexpected action to jolt them into recognition of just what being one of Jesus’ disciples meant. Just incase they missed the point, Jesus untied the apron around his waist and explained: “Do you realize what I have done for you?…I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do.”

We can all be a bit thick headed, so at supper, Jesus repeated his instructions: “This is my body that is for you…” Jesus giving himself away again, to feed hungry souls that didn’t even know for sure what they were craving.

News these past couple of weeks has given us some idea of what our world craves, whether it knows it or not. Our country needs to recognize the racism that still rots its soul. Listening to a black mother admonishing her son not to run with anything in his hand, to always say “Yes sir” and “Yes Ma’m” when confronted by authority, wrenched my heart. White mothers may say similar things, but they don’t do it because they fear for their son’s lives. An admiral in “civies” recounts being stopped and frisked for “…walking while black” as he described it. Our country craves justice and compassion.

Innocents slaughtered in Syria perplex world leaders and sicken our stomachs. Nuclear weapons, let out of the box during World War II, continue their nefarious spread. Refusal to engage in genuine dialog sabotages meaningful elections. Exclusion of women’s voices and experiences from public debate skews conclusions.

We are hungry for the Holy One. Nothing else is enough. When Jesus walked the earth, his day just as warmongering and wounded as our own, he showed us what we needed.

He showed us how to be bread for the hungry, how to be justice for the persecuted, how to be peace in the face of violence. Patiently, he told those who gathered with him around the table, men and women (I can’t imagine a big dinner being prepared by fishermen and tax collectors. Women and children helping to stir pots and carry plates had to be there.) It was as simple as baking hot cross buns or loaves of bread and leaving them around town. And as difficult.

Do for others as I have done for you. It is as simple as washing each other’s feet. And as difficult. It leads to the cross. It leads to resurrection.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen (Originally published in the Catholic Times, March 11, 2012 © 2012 Mary van Balen)

The gospel reading about the rich man and Lazarus is familiar to most of us. Lazarus is a poor man who lies at the door of the rich man, hoping in vain for a scrap from his table. After a life of leisure and abundance, the rich man dies and finds himself tormented in the netherworld. Lazarus also dies, but he is taken to heaven and cradled in the bosom of Abraham. I often think of this reading as a reminder of the importance of caring for the needy among us, not only those struggling to survive materially, but also those impoverished of spirit. Today, however, I am struck by another message.

Once resigned to his fate, the rich man asks that someone be sent to his brothers who still live, that they might be warned and change their ways. Abraham says that cannot be done. He reminds the rich man that his brothers have Moses and the prophets to warn them. The rich man persists, saying that if Lazarus could go to his brothers, they would surely listen to someone come back from the dead. Again, Abraham says no. Even if someone were to rise from the dead, they would not listen.

I pondered this section of the gospel and thought about where the rich man’s brothers looked for wisdom. Or did they?Did they assume they knew what was best? Was immediate reward what drove them? What about me? Where do I look for wisdom? Where do people in the modern world find it? We are bombarded with information, analysis, and advice from TV pundits to celebrities, from Internet to radio.

Recently, I watched motherly wisdom handed down from one generation to the next. A young woman, overwhelmed with the demands of her newborn child and unsure how to meet them, turned to her mother who had done a good job with three. Sometimes wisdom is obtained from those we trust and love.

Where we look and whom we ask depends on what kind of wisdom we are searching for. The rich man’s brothers probably thought they had a good handle on how to live life. Their goals may have been simply wealth and comfort. Turns out they were as short sighted as the brother who had died first. Where we look for wisdom depends on our goals.

Lent is a time that reminds us to consider our goal. Whatever discipline or practices we are using to observe this season are meant to help us focus on what is most important in our lives: our relationship with the Holy One. That is not something apart from the “rest” of our lives, but rather integral to everything we do. How we interact with people at our workplace, what we do to recreate body and spirit, how we respond to needs of others, how we live with our families and friends.

The rich man and his brothers likely did not read Moses or the Prophets to find out how to pursue their goals. We have the advantage of many sources of wisdom to help us in our search for deepening our relationship with God and the changes that makes in how we live our lives. We have Moses and the Prophets. We have the New Testament and examples of holy women and men who have gone before us and who live in the world today. Most importantly, we have Jesus Christ who did rise from the dead and who sent the Spirit to live within each of us.

The Wisdom we seek dwells within, a gift of the Incarnation. These weeks are good times to reflect on using Scripture and other writing that feeds our spirits. It is a time to reflect on how our relationship with God influences our interaction with the world.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen (First appeared in The Catholic Times, February 19, 2012 ©2012 Mary van Balen)

Last week I received a call from my brother informing me that my Uncle Adrian had passed away. He was my father’s youngest brother and had been the last surviving of six siblings. Uncle Adrian was easy to be with and always a lot of fun. When I was in grade school, my parents drove me to his home where I spent a week of summer vacation with him, my aunt, and four cousins.

His two sons and I hiked along creeks and picking among stones along its bed, found “magic” ones that we used to write and draw on flat pieces of slate we had found. I remember sitting with Uncle Adrian on the porch one evening, just watching the sky and talking about a variety of topics. That is when I learned that the neighbor’s dog had had a litter and was looking for homes for the puppies.

I was ecstatic. I had wanted a pet for what seemed to me like forever, and here was a puppy, a free puppy, just for the asking. I fell in love with a light colored puppy with nappy fur and dark ears, and by the time my parents came to pick me up, I was sure this puppy was meant for us.

They did not share my conviction, however, and no amount of pleading could change their minds. The ride back to Ohio was quiet and I imagine I was sullen in the back seat. Still, I had had a great time, and that week remains a fond memory fifty years later.

My brothers, sisters, and most of our cousins came to the funeral home to remember Adrian and share our stories. Afterward, we gathered at a local park shelter house to share food, laughter, and more stories. Death provided an opportunity for us to reconnect and to celebrate not only Adrian’s life, but also the lives of family and friends that were intertwined with his.

My sister and brother-in-law and I spent the night at the home of their daughter, her husband, and their three-week-old daughter. How good to feel the warmth of a tiny baby snuggled up against my shoulder as I walked her around and around the house, talking quietly about our family, the bird’s nest outside on the trellis, and hopes for future visits.

Death and new life seem to be the opposite ends of each person’s journey. Certainly if life is viewed in a linear way, such a view makes sense: One is born, one lives, one dies. But life can be understood in other ways. It can be a circle that continues forever. On a purely physical level, the death and decomposition of a living being allows its matter to become part of new living beings. Joni Mitchell sang “We are stardust,” and she was right.

On a spiritual level, death also brings new life. We experience many deaths throughout our lives: deaths of relationships, dreams, or jobs. We must let go of some emotions or desires that keep us from being who God made us to be. Life is an unending string of deaths that lead to new life.

Liturgically, we are approaching Lent, when we celebrate the Paschal Mystery of Christ’s birth, death, and resurrection. This is the ultimate understanding of death leading to new life. Jesus was born lived his life, and in the end, was murdered by humanity that could not accept the challenge of love and compassion he proclaimed.

The lives and deaths of our family and friends are reminders of this greater mystery. From the explosion of stars to the birth and death of every person, to the final coming together in an unimaginable new life, we are part of the cycle that is echoed in the earth’s seasons and the church’s liturgies. Death is not the end. It is the entrance into a new way of being.