PHOTO: Mary van Balen Kill Devil Hills, NC Time on the beach is always a grace. This week my daughter and I spent three days there, walking, looking for shells, watching birds, listening to waves crashing and tides going out and coming in. We splashed through cold water and waded in tide pools, remembering ocean vacations with my parents. Mom loved the tide pools and sat in her beach chair right in the middle. She had a good eye for sharks’ teeth when walking along the oceans edge. With a sieve, she found some big ones in the tide pools.

Wonderful memories.

Kathryn and I enjoyed watching the sanderlings scurrying up to the water’s edge looking for food, and hurrying back up the beach when the waves flowed in. Some of the tiny birds stood on one leg…and as Kathryn noticed, hopped on one foot as often as running on two.

Time and distance are different at the beach. We lose time of both and walk further than we imagined. The beach demands attention. How can one ignore the salty wind, the hollow crash when a wave breaks along a sandbar, or the cold water circling your ankles or sliding up to your knees?

Sometimes we talked. Sometimes we just walked near each other, eyes combing the sand for shells or sea glass. Nothing in particular. Whatever the sea offers that day, that moment.

We had brought books. I had colored pencils and journals. But few pages were read, those mostly at night. No drawings this year. Just walking and being.

Prayer of Presence. Nothing required. No prayer books or Psalms. Just being and occasionally reverencing the Sacred in which all this creation-ocean, wildlife, people, my daughter and me- lived and breathed. It was enough. It was more than enough.

Photo/Stephen Salpukas/College of William and Mary On Wednesday, both my daughter and I had the opportunity to attend H.H. the 14th Dalai Lama’s address on human compassion at the College of William & Mary. (The tickets sold out in 16 minutes the day they went on sale. Someone who works with Kathryn gave her a ticket. I resorted to standing outside with a borrowed “Ticket Needed” sign and at the last minute received the gift of a ticket from a kind young man in scrubs who seemed to already know a lot about compassion!)

Over 8,200 people rose to their feet and applauded the Dalai Lama as he walked onto the platform. They cheered when he donned the William & Mary visor presented to him by the president of the student assembly. Then, a hush as the audience hung on each word. The Dalai Lama addressed us as brothers and sisters and emphasized our common humanity that is often obscured when we focus on what he called “secondary level of differences” like religion and race. “If I emphasis ‘I am Tibetan. I am Buddhist. That thinking, that attitude, immediately create barrier.”

( I have included a link to the video of the Dalai Lama’s presentation at the end of this blog for those who would like to hear it.)

There was no barrier between the Dalai Lama and those who came to hear him. Occasionally using the help of an interpreter, he delivered his message in a conversational style. We listened as he warned of unintended consequences of violence and force used to combat threats and evil. Disagreeing with the common saying ‘History repeats itself,’ he spoke of a new reality and the need to approach it with a calm mind and in new ways. He returned again and again to the commonality of human beings and the need to have a calm mind clear of attitudes and agendas based on the secondary attributes that so often cloud our vision.

His laugh, which we heard often, was contagious. When he was finished, the crowd again came to its feet and thundering applause filled the huge venue. This recognition of goodness and reverence for the man who embodied it, brought tears to my eyes.

“It is good to see people respect and honor goodness in their midst,” I commented to my daughter.

I was reminded of a conference I attended with another daughter at the College of Saint Benedict in St. Joseph, Minnesota. The panel of authors included the well-known Catholic novelist, J.F. Powers. He had taught at St. Ben’s and been in residence there. He was old and appeared tired, his comments few and sometimes coming a little late. No one cared or even seemed to notice. When he was recognized, when he entered, when he left, the audience and the other authors, stood, applauded, and filled the room with love and reverence for the man that was palpable.

I had not known much about him before I attended but learned while I was there. Not long after I returned home, J.F. Powers died. I felt graced to have heard him and been part of the community that embraced him at St. Ben’s.

“It is good,” Kathryn replied as the Dalai Lama bowed and showed his appreciation of those who had come to hear him. “It doesn’t happen that often,” she continued.

Perhaps, if we can look for the fundamental reality of the people in our lives and respond to them as sisters and brothers; perhaps if we can cultivate a ‘calm mind,’ as H.H. said; perhaps then we will become more aware of the Goodness that is present in our lives and our world. Perhaps, in this country, we will be able to work together to form a government that is able to look at problems and challenges together with an eye to solving them in new ways rather than with eyes jaded by past failures and deep prejudices.

Walking out of Kaplan Center, I felt hopeful.

VIDEO: The Dalai Lama at William & Mary

On today’s Universalis site, after a two saints listed for remembrance, Blessed John Henry Newman shows up. (I mentioned him in my May 2 blogpost The Vatican, Nuns, and John Henry Newmanas a champion of lay persons’ call and ability to be bearers of truth and prophetic speakers of truth to power.)

Today, I remember his poetry and writings. One has long been a favorite:
“Dear Jesus, help me to spread your fragrance everywhere I go.
Flood my soul with your spirit and life.
Penetrate my being so that all my life
may only be a radiance of you.

Shine through me, and so be in me
that every person I come in contact with
may feel your presence in my soul.
Let them look and see no longer me,
but only Jesus.

Stay with me, and then I shall begin to shine as you shine,
so to be a light to others.The light, O Jesus, will be all from you;
none of it will be mine.
It will be you shining on others through me.

Let me thus praise you in the way you love best,
by shining on those around me.”

The other speaks to my frustration today with where I am, making a living, and striving to remain faithful to the call to write and share what small light entrusted to me:

The Mission of My Life

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.”

I hope John Henry Newman is right. I don’t believe God sends the suffering, but I do believe God is with us in all places and at all times in our lives.

“I think you have a cricket in your basement,” my sister said after spending the night in “the guest room,” a queen bed in the, thankfully dry, basement.

I investigated, and sure enough, the cricked was chirping loudly and stopped abruptly for a few moments when I turned on the lights. Her hiatus was brief, and then her song bounced off the cement block walls once again.

Today, I found her, clinging to the side of an old brick next to the wall behind the dryer. I moved the dryer and she stopped her fiddling. We looked at each other. Well, I imagined she looked at me. I know she knew I was there.

“Thank you for your song,” I said, “but you can’t keep playing in here.”

I walked upstairs and returned with a plastic container that had held treasures from my trip to the Northwest. I gave a slight bow to my guest, managed to guide her into the container without damaging her delicate instruments, and carried her upstairs and out the side door

“There,” I said, “play your music here.”

She disappeared into the grass and I assume found a place suitable for her song. I imagine her playing as I drove off, a few minutes late, to meet a friend for lunch. On my way I had begun to compose a haiku for the cricket. It is in progress. I will put down my first thoughts here and will continue to add until I am comfortable with the result.

First, I must say that as I reflect on the cricket in the basement, I consider that she played her song wherever she was. Probably surprised and possibly dismayed to have been relegated to an old brick behind my dryer, she played anyway. I should be so faithful.

Haiku in process:

Basement Cricket, found
Filling house with cricket song.
She now plays outside.

Basement Cricket, found.
We pause and regard one another
honoring the song.

MORETO COME…CHECK BACK

Do you have a haiku in you this fall? Want to play around with this one?
Post your haiku as a comment!

PHOTO: Mary van Balen “Have you celebrated that, Mom?” my daughter asked as I mentioned that this month would mark the beginning of my twenty-seventh year of writing my monthly column, “Grace in the Moment.”

“Well, no. Not really.”

“Well, you should. You should celebrate your accomplishments, and that is a big one.”

I conceded that one ought to celebrate, but wasn’t sure how to do something like that. I mean, shouldn’t someone else plan the celebrating? It seems odd to throw a party for yourself.

“It doesn’t have to be something big. Go out with a friend and have a drink, or go to lunch, or something.”

She had a point. Our lives are busy with work, family, and friends. The house can always use some attention. There is shopping and laundry, and yard work. Who has time to think about celebrations? But we should.

Honoring our achievements is not bragging. It is a way to reverence who we are and the way we contribute to the world. Sometimes by our work. Sometimes just by who we are. Recognizing an accomplishment empowers us to go on, to build on what we have done. It is as much a push to the future as it is a nod to the past. Celebrating milestones is a kind of self-care: making sure we appreciate and nurture the gifts we have.

My daughter was right. When one lives alone, observing life’s small (and not so small) accomplishments can be difficult. There is no spouse or significant other to keep track. To notice, for example, the passage of over two decades of writing. Or of finishing a pivotal chapter in a dissertation. Or preparing more meals at home than eating fast food. Or finally getting a room cleaned out and organized.

Perhaps what deserves celebration is the maintaining of a friendship across many years and many miles. Could be the completion of a work project.

But I think, as a country, we may be better at making lists than we are at honoring life’s special moments.

My daughters are getting good at it as this past weekend attests. I left for the retreat on Saturday with a messy house. The dining room table had scraps of paper, books, receipts, and countless other bits. The sink was full of dishes. My office table was likewise strewn with notes and books, with reminders and rough drafts. I had a wonderful day, energized by both the topic and the people attending, who were generous with sharing of themselves.

But, once the retreat was over, fatigue began to creep in. I opened the door of my house expecting to be overwhelmed by what had been left undone.

Instead I saw a clean kitchen.

“My sister,” I thought and smiled. She had done this before. What a blessing. Then I walked into the living room where a cleaned off table held not one, but two beautiful bouquets of flowers and an envelope. I opened the card: “That song in your heart? It’s beautiful. That dream in your journal? It’s possible. That moment you’ve been waiting for? It’s now…Congratulations.”

Then a beautiful note, written by my oldest, but sent from the hearts of all three daughters.

I sank onto a dining room chair and cried.

“You should celebrate,” my daughter had said.

Despite the miles and states between them, they had found a way to be with me at a special moment. They offered all the good things that celebrations bring: encouragement, joy, and support.

And my sister and her husband? They took my daughter (who had something to celebrate herself: The completion of assembling a new electric motorcycle on schedule for participation in a time trial…) and me out to dinner.

So I write a blog to thank them, and all those who help us mark events in our lives, however small, that give us a reason to notice and give thanks.

I am not sure who told me once that one should grab every reason to celebrate and do just that, but I am echoing the message.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen October came so fast, I didn’t notice its arrival. That is unusual for me. Decades ago, moved by the exuberant beauty of an October day, I wrote a song celebrating just that. Waiting up til midnight on Sept. 30, I sang in the season, year after year. (see October 1, 2009 blogpost)Once I had children, we sometimes waited up together and sang in the lovely month that held not only amazingly clear blue skies and flaming trees, but also my birthday.

We had a number of October traditions, the most recent being my emailing my now grown children to wish them a happy October 1. This year, however, I was just too tired to remember. I had had a busy week: a webcast and a retreat and all the preparation that attends both. I worked at the department store on Sunday, Oct. 1, and the only time I really thought about the day was when I was driving to the store.

The sky was not the clear blue I like to associate with the month. Instead, grey clouds hung overhead. The trees caught my eye, though. Their leaves were beginning to show red and orange.

“Wow, the trees are turning early this year,” I thought as I passed maples and gums. And then I remembered. It was October. When September blew by, I didn’t know. I clocked in and worked through the day, tired and thinking mostly of getting back home and going to bed.

Finally, around 7pm, I walked toward the car. Then I heard that small sound that indicated I had a received a text message. I slid into the front seat, flipped open my cell phone and saw the message was from my daughter. I opened it.

“Happy October : )!”

I smiled. This is a season to celebrate. Not only magnificent skies and vibrant colors, apple cider and donuts, or walks in the woods. Also daughters who reminds me to celebrate when I am too tired to remember.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen Eighteen of us had a wonderful day last Saturday exploring the practice of journaling as a way of prayer. As one participant commented, the “gift of time” is something needed in a lifestyle that has us rushing from place to place without really stopping to notice the people and things that fill our lives. The jeweler’s loupes were a hit. Who knew how beautifully structured and detailed a dragonfly’s body was? Or the geometric patterns of a hemlock cone?

Being present to the moment is essential in all prayer, and together we enjoyed the opportunity to use journaling as a way to foster that. Laughter, conversation, sharing, good food, and lovely surroundings filled the hours. I hope to share the experience again in the coming year!

International Day of Peace Poster Today is the International Day of Peace, originally declared by the United Nations General Assembly in 1981 to be celebrated each year on the third Tuesday of September by a cessation of acts of war and access for humanitarian aid access in areas affected by war. In 2002 the date was fixed on September 21, and in subsequent years, a call to non-violence was included in the twenty-four hour observance.

People worldwide observe a minute of silence at noon, and various ways of honoring the day have emerged around the globe.

Today is also the feast of St. Matthew, evangelist, whose gospel includes the Beatitudes and the parable of the final judgement when all are judged on their love and charity to others. The reading from Ephesians 4 for today’s Mass as well as the gospel reading (Mt 9,9-13), stress love, mercy, and peace. Paul writes
As I spent time in quiet prayer this morning the words “one God of all, who is over all and through all, and in all” lodged in my heart. Before we can bring peace, we must, as Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh writes, be peace. To be peace we must allow God who is Peace, to fill our hearts. It is God’s Peace we are called to share. First, we must be at peace with ourselves and with our God. No matter the number of songs sung, vigils held, or works done, peace cannot come through our efforts alone.

Great movements of non-violence like that led by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., had roots in faith and in the God of Peace dwelling within each person, giving each the strength to love and resist the temptation to respond to violence with violence.

Being at peace with self and with God is not easy. It is a practice. A day in and day out practice. Little by little, as we rest with the Holy One and allow the Spirit to grow in us, we can begin to see not with human vision alone, but also with God’s vision. We see a bigger picture. Peace is not only about the absence of war. It is about justice. It is about food for all. It is about good stewardship of the earth. It is, at Jesus says in Matthew’s gospel, about mercy.

Yesterday, I wrote about little things making us holy. Each action we take (or do not take) makes us more or less a person of peace. How we respond to a neighbor, a family member, or someone at work. How we use the resources of the earth. Something as small as turning off the water when we brush our teeth can become an action of peace, honoring others by conserving water needed by all. It can be a reminder to pray. A reminder that our little actions are part of a big picture.

The 2012 International Day of Peace theme is: “Sustainable Peace for a Sustainable Future.” Most of us address these issues in the small actions of daily life. Sometimes we are called upon to witness in a larger way to our faith in God and commitment to God’s vision of peace for all. This November, Amercians have the responsibility of voting for our president and many members of Congress in what may be the most important election in the lives of those in my generation.

Remaining peaceful in the midst of an ugly campaign is difficult. Trying to see with the eyes of our God who is “in all” requires prayer. No one candidate is perfect, but we are called to discern who shares a larger vision of peace for our world. Which of those seeking office will work for the poor and oppressed here and around the world? Who will make care for the environment, for sustainable energy a priority?

One way to observe this International Day of Peace is to spend time in prayer, listening for the voice of the Spirit; praying for a share in her Wisdom.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen In today’s gospel reading, it was the little things the woman noticed when Jesus entered Simon’s house: No one brought water to wash Jesus’ dusty feet; no one greeted him with a kiss; no one wiped his face and refreshed it with oil. Changed by his words of God’s loving forgiveness, she had come to seek him out. Perhaps to give thanks for lifting a burden from her heart and replacing it with hope.

The lack of honor shown to this man moved her to tears, and she washed his feet with them, drying with her hair. She broke her alabaster jar of perfume and anointed his feet, covering them with kisses as she did.

Simon was shocked and offended. Jesus felt the warmth of her love and said so: She had been forgiven much and she loved much. He had no such words for his host, who, if he were open to the moment, was abashed.

A lifetime of paying attention to the “little things” make a saint. Liturgical Press’ September “Give Us This Day” book of prayer, a short reflection on the life of Daria Donnelly is offered as an example of one made holy by living ordinary life fully and with love. She was an editor of “Commonweal” magazine, a wife and mother. She died at forty-five of multiple myeloma. Her witness? In her words: “The only thing that matters is showing love and compassion in the time that is given us.”

Most of us live ordinary lives, work day in and day out at jobs that may or may not be fulfilling in themselves. We are parents and children; aunts and uncles; neighbors and strangers. But each day, each moment is an acceptable time for the inbreaking of grace and love. Present to the moment, we are surprised by beauty and kindness.

This morning, I woke with a “to do” list stamped in my brain. I washed dishes and, suspecting a nail in its tire, took my car to a local mechanic to check. He asked for an hour. I walked down the street to a small restaurant and treated myself to breakfast and time to write a bit in my journal. On the walk back, I noticed a leaf on the sidewalk. Or more accurately, the leaf called to me, bright with large dew drops throwing the morning sun out for passersby to see.

Stooping down for a closer look, I pondered the fall season, the large size of the drops, and the brilliance of the sun. Grace, inbreaking.

“Yep, it was a nail. Keys are in the car.”

“What do I owe you?”

“Nothing.” He smiled. Grace again.

A sweet sense of peace replaced nagging concern with my mental chores list. While I spend the rest of my day selling home-goods to bargain seekers, I will pass the peace along. Department store or office; strangers or friends; commerce or solitary work. All are acceptable times and places for God’s Grace to show up and continue the work of transformation.

Rita Frye PHOTO: Mary van Balen “Well, Hello!” Rita’s voice came over my cell. I couldn’t believe we had connected, expecting instead to leave a message.

“Happy Birthday!” I said.

“You’re on top of things,” she replied, no doubt surprised by the early hour of the call. Our forty-four years of friendship had made it clear that I was NOT a morning person. Still, rising early for the chance of spending a few minutes in conversation with my friend was an easy choice.

Rita and I met as freshman at the College of Saint Francis, in Joliet, IL. In fact, since her aunt was the dean of women at that time, Rit had the opportunity to look through letters written by applicants to choose her roommate. We still can’t figure out why she chose me. I had written nothing. Nothing about myself. I imagine I just filled in what was required and sent the application on its way.

Looking back, Rita would say it was God. And I would agree. Not only has our friendship spanned over four decades, but through introductions to people who were part of my life, Rita found her life’s work in serving the poor and mentally challenged in Appalachia. And me? I found a blessing.

We shared train rides to and from Chicago on the passenger line that provided her grandfather with his job as porter. Her father had a restaurant near the station. We took our guitars and had sing a longs in the dining car. We headed small protests to make changes in the all girls college dress code, generally caused a bit of uproar, and made two other friendships that have also endured.

Rita is not a great communicator, at least to those who are not part of her day, but despite few letters or calls, we connect immediately when we do talk. Today my intent was to celebrate the blessing she has been on the earth for sixty plus years. I did. She also supported me as I continue to deal with the emotional aftermath of divorce and the realities of trying to make ends meet.

In the end we marveled together over a small nature preserve near Peebles, OH, Davis Memorial Park, and a tiny creature that lives in the ice cold water of the cave there.

“It’s the only place it lives,” Rita said. Then added, “Makes you wonder how they know that, doesn’t it?” True. Who knows. Really. But it doesnt’ matter. What does matter is that somewhere in the cold darkness of a cave, a little creature lives and propagates, and adds to the habitat. Maybe it is food for some other living thing. Maybe it keeps some microscopic organism from taking over. Maybe it just is. A manifestation of the variety and wonder of creation.

Rit reflected on her own life in a small little town, hidden away from the hustle and bustle of big cities, but with plenty of action and challenges of its own. She lives there and makes a contribution, however small, to the people and places she touches.

We talked about suffering. About struggle. About politics and how this election is likely the most important one in our lifetimes. What direction will our next president take the country? What will be the vision of our country? We hope it is Obama’s. One that takes the poor and their needs seriously.

The conversation wends back to our personal struggles and the part they play in transforming the world, no matter how slightly. We, and that nameless creature in the cave at Davis Memorial. (I tried to look it up. No luck. If the Division of Natural Resources can help, I will let you know.) And the millions of other people who make it through, one day at a time, saying something kind. Providing help or encouragement.

“Everyone’s life counts,” I told my young transsexual daughter who, at that time, I thought was my very depressed son. She couldn’t see how she would ever fit into the world. She has. And does. And makes a difference.

Rita would understand. And when she called back to continue our conversation a while after our first had ended, I smiled and told her what I was doing at that moment: I was writing about her in the little journal that holds notes on my blessings, lest I forget.

Thank you, Rita. And Happy Birthday!