Mary van Balen — Page 22

December 29, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Feast of the Holy Family When You Are Divorced

by Richard Duarte Brown

I have been divorced for a few years, and unhappily married for many more. So, for quite awhile, this feast was a challenge for me as I sat through homilies that excluded my experience of married life. Today, thankfully, the priest mentioned a wide variety of families beyond the nuclear family. He mentioned those dealing with divorce and with abusive marriages. He also mentioned those who are single, both by choice and by circumstance. The Healthy Children.org website lists eight different configurations for families with children including single parent, grandparents as parents, adoptive/foster, and same sex families.

As I sat and listened to the readings, I reminded myself that I am a member of many families: my family of origin which blessed me with love and wisdom to raise my children as well as to deal with pain and disappointment in my own marriage. I have a family of three wonderful adult children who will always be a deep part of the fabric of my life and who bring me joy and encouragement. I have an extended family of brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and aunt and cousins. And then there is the family of friends that reach far and wide across the continent and the oceans. There is a parish family who welcomed me for a special evening and meal before midnight mass.

Paul’s letter to the Colossians spoke of another family: The huge, diverse family of the children of God. All other families rest in this one. It is the one Pope Francis calls us to embrace and serve with our lives. It is the one we celebrate when we pray together as a parish or in small, intentional communities.

Sometimes, that big family is a bit too “out there” to feel warm and embracing when you need that. But “close up” families don’t always supply that either. No matter where we find ourselves today: single, divorced, happily married, or suffering through an abusive relationship that is best ended, we can remember we are part of a wonderfully large family of the One who made us all. If we are blessed with support and love around us, we are called to reach out to those who are not. Families, at their best, look out for one another. We are called to be a family at its best.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: compassion, divorce, family, hope, inclusion, Pope Francis, Richard Duarte Brown

December 25, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Pope Francis’s Urbi et Orbi Message

urbi et orbi 2013 Pope Francis addressed the “City and the World” today in the traditional Urbi et Orbi message as thousands gathered to here him and receive the Christmas blessing. (read it here)

Francis asked all to join their voices with those of the angels at the birth of Jesus, singing God’s praises and promising peace on earth. He then gathered all the hurting world into God’s embrace, naming victims of war, especially children, and then the elderly, battered women, and the sick. He named countries suffering from war and violence today, refugees like those who perished at Lampedusa, and children forced to become soldiers. The pope also prayed for the earth, so often exploited by greed.

Reading his words, I sensed his desired to gather all into the loving embrace of God; his hope that all would experience that love and holy Presence. His use of the words “God’s caresses” were particularly tender, and he hoped all would feel them. We don’t feel them in a vacuum. We, citizens of the world, are responsible to give glory to God not only in word, but more importantly, with our lives “spent for love of him and of all our brothers and sisters.”

In a departure from the script, Pope Francis included non believers in his call for prayer for peace, asking them to join with people of all faiths praying for peace by desiring it in their hearts: ” And I also invite non-believers to desire peace with that yearning that makes the heart grow: all united, either by prayer or by desire. But all of us, for peace.”

This pope knows all humanity is in this together. We need one another, no matter the faith, denomination, or no faith. All for peace.

Amen.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: compassion, faith, hope, peace, Pope Francis, prayer, Urbi et Orbi Message

December 21, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Song of Songs: God Waits with Desire

Song of Songs IV by Marc Chagall

Here he stands behind our wall,

gazing through the windows,

peering through the lattices. Song of Songs 2

These words from today’s readings became my Lectio word for the day. This book is full of vivid images, and I liked to imagine God lingering behind the walls I construct, gazing at me. Seeing what is good and beautiful and waiting for me to return the gaze.

I know how love and desire can fill a gaze. I know the feeling of love bursting out, pouring through my eyes upon the one I love. I have felt the warmth of such a gaze and the fullness it creates within my heart. I have known this with another. I have known it with God.

Imagine, the Holy One, standing near, beholding you and your unique beauty. The Holy One calling you out to yourself as well as to the One Who Made You. In God’s eyes you are magnificent. Love, God’s and our own, helps us to see the beauty with as well as within those around us. Such love helps us see the beauty of creation.

Pondering these words makes me pray for an open heart, not only to receive Love, but to pour it out onto others.

Filed Under: The Scallop, Widening Our Circles Tagged With: acceptance, creation, grace, love, Marc Chagall, Song of Songs, unconditional love

December 16, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

I See Him…Though Not Now

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

I see him, though not now; I behold him, though not near…

Numbers 24, 17a

This morning, to find a place for prayer and Lectio, I pushed aside the mess on the dining room table, lit my candle as a safe distance, and sat down.

I Love Balaam. He is described in today’s reading as one whose “eye is true,” a man from the enemy camp. A man overwhelmed by God and thus speaking oracles, he “sees” what is true- though not with his eyes. With his heart. For the One he sees “…is not near.” But he is coming.

My prayer?

Holy One, open my heart. Still my soul so that all I see, and all I hear…So that stillness made in the midst of clutter (physical and mental) cannot block my view. For I know something Balaam did not: Your are near. You are within and without. Amen

Filed Under: The Scallop

December 16, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Being Present. Being Still.

smartphone clipart As readers of my column and blogs know, I am big on being present to the moment. On being still. I remember once, years ago, lamenting to Mike Collins, then editor of The Catholic Times where I have published a monthly column, that email and voicemail were taking a toll on us. We had to be available 24/7 and we didn’t physically connect with one another as often when an email would do.

He reminded me of that comment ( and column) years later when I attended his mother’s wake.

“Hi Mike. I haven’t seen you for ages,” I began.

He smiled his wry smile and said, “I remember a columnist who once wrote about the insidious effects of email on personal connections. She emails her column in now and I rarely see her.”

I must have blushed, at least a little.

Today’s op-ed in the New York Times by Sherry Turkle, “The Documented Life,” reminded me of my objection and of the reality of succumbing to technology’s siren. (Well, I still have an ancient flip cell phone. No face-time for me. That may change since the hinge of the phone is broken and has the annoying result of cutting off conversations or stopping them before they get started by “hanging up” as soon as I open it up.) I have had many dinners and conversations interrupted by cell phones, texting, the need for face-time etc etc. Not that such things are inherently bad, but they impinge on the present moment, the physical moment. Yes, face-time, texting, and conversations with someone you don’t often see is a “present moment” when you are engaged in it. But often, it comes while previously engaged with someone in the flesh. Or in a moment of engagement with the world around us.

Give this a read. And think about it. What’s your experience? Share if you’d like.

Filed Under: The Scallop

December 15, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

We Wait Because We Hope

Advent Wreath: PHOTO: Mary van Balen

Originally published in the Catholic Times, Dec. 15, 2013 vol. 63:11

Advent is a time of waiting: Waiting for Christmas and waiting for God to gather us all to into the new life of resurrection.

The past few months have given me a new perspective on waiting. I had full knee replacement surgery and have spent time waiting for healing and for pain to fade. It has. Waiting for the knee to move without stiffness and effort. That’s coming, bit at a time. I was prepared for the work required to help move through the physical challenges even if it some times seem slow. This is active waiting, not sitting around until all was well, but doing the hard work of therapy, incorporating new exercises and routines into life. I expected that once on the mend, the trajectory would move consistently in one direction: Better. The reality has been more like a roller coaster ride, with ups and downs with plateaus thrown in now and again.

What I was not prepared for was the mental and spiritual challenges that came with the experience. Fighting depression and discouragement has been as important as doing heel slides. Someone told me that the drugs used during surgery and later to keep pain at bay contribute to the mental stress. Moving through this part of healing requires as much work as keeping the knee limber.

As I move through this personal time of waiting, I find myself pondering the meaning of waiting in general. Why do we continue to wait when outcomes are not what we expect? What do we wait for when reality of day-to-day life is difficult or, as it is for many people on this earth, overwhelming?

We wait because we have hope. There’s no sense in waiting without it. We hope because we have memories of something good. Of someone trustworthy who kept a promise. You can’t hope for something unless you trust you are going to get it. Those people who first enable us to trust may well be our mother and father. If that’s not the case, they could be a brother or sister, a teacher or a friend.

I wondered about young Mary who accepted God’s invitation to become the mother of God. Mary, who waited for nine months as her child grew within her womb and who trusted in the promise spoken by the angel: He will be great. He will be given the throne of David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever. He will be called holy, the Son of God.

She knew the prophecies. What was she expecting? How did she imagine the promises would be accomplished? She worried when he stayed behind in Jerusalem to sit and talk with the teachers in the temple. Was she surprised when he became an itinerant preacher or when he raised the ire of powerful religious and political leaders?

As his life unfolded, hers did too. She listened and watched, prayed and pondered. Not knowing how it would all turn out, she went on living and trusting that God is faithful, even as she stood at the foot of the cross. Her people had endured much suffering. They had a lot of practice waiting.

One of the Hebrew words we translate as “wait” has as its root a word meaning, “to bind together,” as in twisting. You twist everything good in your life together, making a chord out of all the strands you can gather. And you hold on.

Mary held on. She gathered strands not only from her life, but also from generations of those who had gone before. The Hebrews suffered in Egypt and the desert, but they arrived at the Promised Land. With the Psalmist, she could say, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.”(40) or “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope…O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plenteous redemption.” (130)

I’m glad Mary and her people are part of my story. As a Christian, I add their strands to those gathered from my own life. I draw strands from my family’s stories and faith. Together our chord is strong. As we work to do our part in bringing Christ into this world, we also wait. We are able to wait because, in the end, we are one family and we hope for one thing: The fulfillment of God’s promise of Love and Life.

Filed Under: Grace in the Moment Tagged With: Advent, hope, Waiting

December 12, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

DEEPENING: He Stirs Forth

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

Silence, all mankind, in the presence of the Lord! For he stirs forth from his holy dwelling. Zechariah 2, 17

(OT reading from Mass)

These words resonated deep i my soul. Startled. Awakened. I am asked to be still. Demanded to be silent. Why? To listen. to watch so I don’t miss the wonder of our Creator/God stretching, moving, emerging from the Holy Dwelling – which is, of course, the human heart. My own heart.

Filed Under: The Scallop

November 26, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

A Slower Life

PHOTO: Jenn Holt

My daughter and I were driving in NE Ohio on our way to share Thanksgiving dinner with another daughter and her boyfriend. Fields stretched out on either side of the back country roads, and black buggies carrying Amish families blanketed for warmth rolled by. Coats shining in the sun, the dark horses looked like exquisite sculptures come to life, their manes blowing along their necks. Suddenly, my daughter laughed out loud.

“Did you see that?” She asked. I hadn’t. “There was a sign that said ‘Are you ready for winter? Is your horse?”

I chuckled.

“It’s a different life, that’s for sure,” she said.

We tried to imagine what living an Amish life would be like, and wondered about their eschewing of electricity from the public grid but not electricity generated in other ways. A little research once I was home helped me understand a bit. A site called Amish America, stated that they see reliance on the public grid as connecting them too close to the world and influences that would undermine their Christian beliefs. An outlet means all kinds of things could be plugged in: computers, television, radio, and too many labor saving devices.

While my old apartment does not have a dishwasher and I wish it did, I do remember growing up without one. Lots of stories and conversations happened while an ever-changing group of family members cleaned up after dinner. Conversations can happen in the living room while the dishwasher hums in the kitchen. I hope my next home comes equipped with one, but I can appreciate the social aspects of doing without.

I appreciated arriving at my daughters in a matter of hours, not having to endure long buggy rides to visit family and friends. The Amish life is not for me. Still, the human family can learn from one another, and I left Amish country wondering how my spirit might benefit from a bit less screen time and a bit more quiet time.

Filed Under: The Scallop

November 20, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Transgender Day of Remembrance

PHOTO: TransOhio

Today across the country and the world, people stop to remember those transgender persons lost to violence fueled by transphobia and hate. I join my voice and prayer with others commemorating this day for an end to such senseless violence. Ignorance and fear are the sources of such violence. Like racism, such attitudes are sometimes learned at home, or sadly, in church. No matter where it begins, these attitudes have their root in dividing the world into “them” and “us.” Into “people like me” and “the other.”

If you don’t know much about transgender people, today would be a good day to learn something. You will find that transgender people are just that: people. When we get down to it, people are more alike than they are different. Today, say a prayer for those who have been lost. And say a prayer for those whose ignorance and fear perpetuate discrimination and violence against transgender people.

Here are some links to sites that contribute to better understanding of these people and the challenges they face:

Lana Wachowski’s acceptance speech for HRC Visibility Award. Acclaimed director of movies such as the Matrix Trilogy and Cloud Atlas, her speech is one of the best on the topic I have ever heard. You won’t be the same after you hear it.

JamieAnn Myers Blog on Huffington Post states that over 238 trans people were murdered world wide last year. Her blog lists some struggles a transperson meets just going about ordinary daily activities.

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2013 (TDOR) A post from GLADD that includes a link to find TDOR events in your community.

Wikipedia’s entry on Transgender Day of Remembrance presents the history of this day as well as links for further information.

Filed Under: Widening Our Circles Tagged With: civil rights, inclusion, LGBT

November 19, 2013 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

DEEPENING: 7 Moving into Quiet

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

By the time I get to lighting my candles and settling into quiet prayer, I’m fighting a losing battle. My mind is already racing, making mental to-do lists, beating myself up for what I haven’t done, and thinking of family, friends, typhoon victims, government disfunction…you name it.

I try desperately to empty my mind, but to no avail. Breathing in and out, slowly repeating my mantra word. Nothing. Then, this morning, I became aware of my cold feet resting on the wooden floor. “Why didn’t I put on socks?” Suddenly, the thought came: “Just be present to your cold feet. To the moment.” I did.

After cold feet, the smoothness of the wood beneath caught my attention. I sat with that for a while. Then it was the stiffness of my new knee. I quit trying to still my mind and instead let it focus on the present. A slight bit or warmth on my cheek and a rosy glow visible through my closed eyelids alerted me to bright sunlight. I opened my eyes and saw the patterns it made as it poured through the mini-blinds and pushed around the wrought iron candelabrum by daughter had made.

I became aware of the life-giving gift of the sun shining on our planet from the center of our solar system. Amazing. I sat, amazed, for while before the candle flame’s reflection, dancing on the votive’s clear glass caught my attention. I watched as it stretched and lengthened. Tow images from one flame. The bloom on top of the wick glowed orange and the beeswax smelled sweet.

My mind wasn’t racing.

I guess I can’t go cold turkey from crazy busy thoughts to stillness. Instead, being truly present to myself in this place and in this time slowed me down. God was there in the cold, the light, the flame, the moment, where the Divine always is.

And, for a moment, I moved into a graced moment of quiet gratitude.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: grace, Grace in the Moment, prayer, present to the moment, quiet prayer